thranduil sleeps calmer knowing even if his son married a dwarf at least he married The Supermodel dwarf and singlehandedly crushed the hopes of single dwarves and dwarrowdams everywhere
this is my headcanon and you will never take it from me.
listen, just Listen for a second, okay.
Gimli Gloinul is from the line of Durin okay, he’s from the line of KINGS, his bloodline stands up against Legolas’ perfectly, if the elves and dwarves got their shit together for a hot second they would be like “YES, PERFECT, A DIPLOMATIC MARRIAGE TO BIND OUR HOUSES TOGETHER AND NEVER SHALL THE TWAIN THROW ONE ANOTHER TO DRAGONS…again.” because you have a king’s son and a king’s nephew which, well, I love Dain but he’s not an EREBOR KING and GIMLI IS FROM THE FAMILY OF EREBOR KINGS.
And Gimli acts like he’s from the line of Erebor kings, too, okay, he’s a diplomat and a warrior and a nobleman, he’s the sort of person who SAYS things like ‘faithless is he who says fairwell when the road darkens’ and stares down Elrond Peredhil in his own home when his strength and faith are questioned. And he’s the kind of person who swears his allegiance to people he barely knows because it’s Right and Good and Gimli knows it.
And Thorin Oakenshield was handsome, and his sister the lady Dis is beautiful, and Gimli’s cousins Fili and Kili were fine young dwarrows, and Gimli’s mother is a great beauty.
Basically my point here is that Gimli, proud strong gimli with his firebeard hair and bold laugh and mithril tongue and clever fingers, broke the hearts of everyone in Erebor and not a few people outside of Erebor when he married a goddamn elf. Like. Not even Arwen Undomiel (WHO MARRIED A GODDAMN HUMAN, it’s been a weird couple of years in Middle-Earth, everyone wonders strongly if they’ve been drinking too much). Like he’s not even marrying a great beauty of the elves, Legolas isn’t ugly by elvish standards but also he’s nothing particularly special, and he’s not a great diplomat, and he’s BARELY a king’s son because everyone knows that Mirkwood elves are…a little odd. Legolas is a big cheerful hunter who sings songs he doesn’t remember all of, who chatters to trees and has no sense of the right thing to say even if he’s developed enough self-preservation to know the wrong thing to say, and FOR THE LOVE OF MAHAL HE FIGHTS WITH A BOW.
“GIMLI” Gloin bellows “YOU TURNED DOWN THIRTY-TWO SUITORS FROM FINE DWARVISH LINES FOR THIS”
“Ignore him, amrâlime, he’ll get over it” Gimli says in amusement as he beckons Legolas over to his forge, where he’s carefully smithing mithril-inlaid gold marriage clasps that will grip fine elvish hair. It’s too hot in the forge to wear shirts, if you’re working. Every dwarf in twenty feet stops what they’re doing to watch Gimli’s biceps flex as he holds up a jewel for Legolas’ inspection.
“YOU COULD HAVE HAD A HAREM” Gloin wails from down the hall.
#a headcanon I never knew I needed until this very moment
I love the art but now I love the headcanon just as much
[ID: wooden bathroom door with standard, professional looking sign with the transgender symbol and handicap/wheelchair symbol, reading “Y’ALL”, with braille under it, also reading yall]
Here’s a sampling of some of my favorite things that happen so that you may judge for yourself, and while they may be spoilers, you will likely still be just as “what” as you were already:
Man peppers sandwich profusely, then punches a frog. But Wait! The frog was not actually punched. By the power of the sun, you can punch THROUGH frogs.
Vampirism is real and it gives you laser eyes and Ice Man powers that said vampire uses once or twice and then never again. Because his newer power of stopping time is just that much cooler. He uses it to throw a fish at a teenager.
Man feeds salami to bullets and shoots himself many times.
Man with fishing pole causes man to pull own heart out and asks a bullet to put the heart back later.
Man throws balls at rat, rat shoots back with a tank turret with darts that melt flesh.
A Lego model of the US White House causes everyone in an orchard to get the bends and suffocate.
Woman causes spontaneous hair growth to get free food.
Part man, part dinosaur uses Jesus of Nazareth’s actual eye to help collect mummified limbs for the President of the US and also maybe win a national horse race.
Aforementioned man-dino doesn’t actually naturally have the dinosaur powers, they were given to him like an infection. His actual power is stopping time.
Sponges collide. It gets weird.
Artist uses invisible baby to win a game of Rock Paper Scissors with a child.
Same artist also kills someone by writing on that person’s hand to use a remote control, in which doing so causes the man to be flung out a window to his death.
That artist thinks he killed a god and is now cursed because of it.
Man flies airplane into volcano, launches vampire into space.
Space vampire has 35 other incarnations of himself on Mars.
Florida woman trips off seeing rainbows, thinks everyone is a snail, and thinks snails are lucky because of their ability to fuck.
Said woman fights through the 1974 Miami Dolphins to stuff herself into a pipe in order to smack someone.
She also gets set on fire by a man in a cow suit.
Man is incredulous on whether Disney is real because there’s no Mickey Mouse in the advertisement.
Nun shoots meat from an aerosol can to use as a disguise.
Man has incredible power of nothing but positive thinking and wins a lot of money because of it. (He deserved it, too)
THERES SO MUCH MORE so feel free to add to this
What’s sad is that I freaking understand every single one of them
my grandpa saw my gemsona on facebook and now he wants me to draw him a gemsona
he want’s to be an opal!!!!!
i did a quick one we’ll see what he thinks about it tomorrow!
GEMPA OPAL YAAAAAAH
AH my twin sister DREW FANART AHAHA!!
GRAMPS’S REACTION TOMORROW STAY TUNED!
Here is my grandpa lookin at the post! My sister went over to his house (since I live in a different city) to show him how much you guys love it (and to tell him how cute you think he is!!) I did call them but I wanted my sister to actually show him all the nice tags and how popular he is!
HE also wanted to show you his pug Mordue! They so cute…
He loves it and he’s very happy about how much everyone loved it and so does my mom! Thank you guys so much!!! It really made his day!! He wants to print it out and hang it on the wall so my sister will help with that!
