I’m sure someone’s already transcribed this, but just in case they haven’t:
GRIFFIN: “…ah, but this Yahoo was sent in by, ah,
Amelie Belcher! Thanks, Amelie. It’s by Yahoo Answers user— JUSTIN: (weird falsetto with undetermined accent)
“Amelie?” [A beat of silence.] GRIFFIN: “What was that?
What wa—” JUSTIN: “It’s my impression of Amelie from the film—”
GRIFFIN: “From the
movie, ‘Amelie’?” JUSTIN: (weird falsetto with accent) “Amelie!” [Another beat.] GRIFFIN: “’Cause she just walks around—” TRAVIS: “That’s not an impression, you just—” GRIFFIN: “It’s about a young girl—” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Allo! I am Amelie!” GRIFFIN: (laughing) “—who… can only say her own
name.” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I cook an egg with a spoon!” [Griffin is still laughing.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Amelie!” TRAVIS: (quietly) “Jesus.” GRIFFIN: (in hysterics) “She cook an egg with a spoon?” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Fall in love again with me, Amelie!
Now on DVD!” TRAVIS: “This week on Moneyzone: Amelie.” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “You missed the f—you missed out new
relationships but maybe fall in love with me Amelie!” (I think? “Amelie”’s mystical
accent is difficult to parse. It’s like French-Finnish-Swedish or something.) “Don’t look for me on BluRay, I’m not on
BluRay yet! I’m on DVD!” [Griffin coughs, and then continues laughing. As “Amelie” goes on, you can hear Griffin laughing harder and harder.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I’m too small to fit on the BluRay,
they lose me… I am Amelie! I’m hiding near the spindle… I am Amelie! JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “This laser
disc is gigantic. I am on the edge of it. Hellooo!” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “It is like a plate for my
egg dinner. Delicious! I am Amelie!” [Griffin is now crying laughing.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I am inside your pocket. You have
enough money to buy my DVD!” GRIFFIN: (weeping) “You
have to stop or it’ll be the whole show!” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I miss VHS tapes because I would
get in the little holes and spin around. Like teacups at Disney—” TRAVIS: “Is she a Borrower?! What’s going on?!” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Yes I live in a hole with a mice king!”
[Travis is now also laughing, while Griffin continues to
unravel.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I’m married to the mice king. My
staff is a lollipop. Amelie!” [Another beat. I suspect Griffin edited out a long stretch
of him pleading for sweet release.] GRIFFIN: (catching his breath) “Okay.” TRAVIS: “Oh, jesus.” GRIFFIN: (sniffling and weak) “Thank you. Ugh. Christ.
Gimme a second. All right.”
End transcription. It is important that you know that occasionally, to this day, if the name Amelie is mentioned, Justin’s “Amelie” will very quietly say her own name.
I find it fascinating that people who choose not to have children are generally assumed to feel really strongly about not having children (or even to feel really strongly against children, anyone’s children, in general). I am probably not going to have children, not because I REALLY REALLY HATE the idea of having children, but because I don’t really really love it. Out of all the major decisions I will make in my life, this one is the only irreversible one. I can sell a house, quit a job, divorce a spouse, whatever. I cannot unhave a child. I cannot opt out of being a parent once I become a parent. I can’t even take a step back for the sake of self-care or whatever, or else my child will suffer.
So for me, having children is fuck yes or not at all. The default will be to remain childfree. Having children should be an opt-in decision, not an opt-out one. Until/unless I develop really strong feelings about wanting to have children, I won’t have them, even if that means I never end up having them at all.
