I guess the question we need to ask ourselves is….do we turn away one thousand aces, enbies, bisexuals, pansexuals, and micro labeling people in need of safety, protection, acceptance, and education required for them to ease into queer and gay identities comfortably on the off chance that one of them is perhaps maybe a violent and dangerous cishet?Â
Do we make this world ad less understanding and less safe world for scared questioning people just because not all of them are really truly queer enough for your tastes?Â
My problem is not with the OP, but with the basic statement of the question: Why the fuck do we assume that filtering for LGBT-ness will automatically filter for violence and toxicity?
I see this a lot in “women only” “safe spaces” that exclude men and are then shocked, SHOCKED!!! to find women being violent and aggressive, to find feminist leadership accused of being exploitative to workers and volunteers. I worked at a women’s shelter that would admit the female leader of a gang threatening the life of another woman in shelter, but not allow a kind and supportive brother to show up to help a woman move her furniture.
There’s a huge gaping epistemic flaw when you assume correlation is absolute, that because a group is less likely to be harmful or violent, their members will not be harmful or violent.
You create “safe spaces” not by ensuring all its members meet a certain demographic standard, but by selecting people on the quality of their behaviour and their ability to improve social spaces they are in.
But of course, exclusionists know that. They know that if the entry criteria were, “Do you avoid being verbally and emotionally abusive to people, especially LGBT people,” they’d be kicked out so fast their heads would spin. So it is especially important for them, in protecting their own interests, to keep discussions of “who belongs at Pride” as focused on demographics instead of behaviour as possible.
learning how not to fish for compliments can really help how you interact with others. here’s some common phrases i’ve noticed:
“here’s my shitty art”
“lol i’m so ugly in this selfie”
“you’re so creative. i’m nowhere near as creative as you”
“your writing is amazing! i wish mine was that good”
what all of these have in common is that they all involve putting yourself down. when you do that, those around you feel obligated to compliment you, which can make them feel frustrated that they have to just to be polite. not only that, but by talking yourself down you feel worse about yourself. the latter two phrases also centre your problems, distracting the attention from the person you’re trying to compliment. that often makes them feel bad!
here’s how to fix those phrases:
“here’s my art”
“selfie time!”
“you’re so creative. how do you do it?”
“your writing is amazing! do you have any tips?”
by cutting out the negativity, you make it so nobody feels obligated to compliment you. you’ll usually get more compliments this way because people don’t feel uncomfortable! the latter two phrases now also centre the artist and their knowledge. not only do they make the artist feel good, they also might score you some good advice.
this strategy will also help to boost your confidence in the long run. if you stop prefacing every compliment with negativity, you’ll be able to internalise them better.
Fun and good thing to say to a mad gamer in their video game who is YELLING: “hey buddy its okay. its just a fun toy. We’re just playing with a fun toy together, okay?”
Y’all laugh, one time I told a guy on Reddit “It’s ok that you didn’t like the movie” about Star Wars and I have never seen someone get SO mad SO fast
Being nice to nerds is like spraying red musk into the eyes of a furious bull
You’re not being nice though, you’re basically delegitimizing what ever problem they’re having. You think they dont know it’s just a game? You think people dont know it’s okay not to like things. People like expressing their frustration get off your high horse.
You don’t seem like a shithead so I’ll be nice about this. I’m not talking about people who dismissively shit on somebody who’s obviously stressed over something (seemingly) minor. Like that’s pretty uncool. What I’m talking about is people who vocally abuse those around them when they’re playing games. Those are the types that deserve to be shutdown in the rudest way possible.
Big Gay Dracula Does a Shitpost 