Big Gay Dracula Does a Shitpost

winterwombat:

prokopetz:

I’m not saying I’m definitely an NPC, but if I am a protagonist, the game I’m starring in is probably free-to-play.

Makes sense:

• I can only do something useful once every few hours
• Ads are everywhere
• The pacing seems designed to be deliberately frustrating
• A lot of the hassle would go away if had a ton of money

jake-station:

toboldlylesbian:

waitress assigned kin

Whoever gets the bill is topping tonight, if it’s in the centre we flip

slimetony:

maximus-powerz:

slimetony:

shigechisgrandpa:

slimetony:

really wish I still had teeth

Why?

So I could deflect bullets with them

Something tells me I know how you lost your old teeth

Of course the armchair orthodontists of Tumblr are out in force today to find out where my fucking teeth went. Grow up

shortviolet:

most iconic things shane madej has said in buzzfeed unsolved 

•  “yeah, that rings a bell or two, that shakes a tambourine.” 
• “let me spin you a yarn, that you shan’t soon forget. I’m being eaten alive by crabs right now.” 
• “I’M STRAAAANGE, AND OFF-PUTTING !” 
• “I’m disrespectful, but I’m talking to dust and cobwebs.” 
• “HOW DARE YOU DISPOSE OF MY BODY” 
• “Cops in the 70s were like, oh you just killed someone ? You got 20 bucks ?” 
• Everything he said on Goatman’s Bridge. 
• *imitating a man claiming to be D.B Cooper on his deathbed* “I have something to tell you…… I’m the phantom of the skyyyyyyy” 
• *laying down on a pentagram* “ROCK N ROLL, BUCKAROO” 
• “Look I’m not here as a doctor. I just wanna see some of this crazy shit.” 
• “You better watch out or Yankee Jim will give you some taffy. Some folks say they hear him playing a jolly little kazoo tune in the middle of the night.” 

kylesbogusjourney:

I have this really bad habit of sending two unrelated texts back to back but bridging them with an “also”

So it’ll be like “hey have you seen this funny tweet” quickly followed by “also the news said polio is back”

abracafuckko:

I think one of my absolute favourite things about TAZ is that Griffin got to write a campaign in which the three free agents, the three moving parts that he relied on to make his story work, were the three people he knows best in the whole universe. People talk about Griffin’s story being ‘on rails’ but it’s not. It’s just that – unlike most DMs – Griffin can predict his family’s behaviour in advance in a way most people couldn’t hope to do. If he were playing with a different group, the story never would have turned out the way it did, but because he knows his family, he could fairly accurately predict the big decisions.

He writes a voidfish into the story, because he knows his brother is kind to animals, knows he’d never leave a sentient baby jellyfish on a planet about to get eaten, not even narratively. He’s not writing Travis into a corner, Travis would never consider doing anything else. He writes Taako a sister – a best friend, a twin, a soul mate – because he knows that Justin is a big brother to his very core, knows that his instincts will always fall in line with sibling loyalty and devotion, even when he’s playing an aloof elf who doesn’t care about anyone. He writes his dad into the trickiest position of them all – facing true horror, sitting across the table from the end of the world – and he knows that his father will respond with compromise and understanding, with love and joy and compassion, because he’s seen that grace in his father his whole life. Griffin was betting on those qualities that he already knew his family possessed, and it was the safest bet he ever made! Because they were amazing, and he always knew they would be.

invaderperidot:

babelady:

when that seasonal depression hit someone add a pic im on mobile