Piedmont will have absolutely no clue how to handle Post-Weirdmaggedon Dipper and Mabel.
The neighborhood kids play hide and seek and they’re hanging out on some random roof. You can’t beat them if you can’t reach them, suckas.
They’re outside every hour of the day. Literally. If you happen to be outside at two in the morning you might find them mid-magic hunt. Why not? Ford always said to take advantage of your insomnia for science.
Once some teenagers performing some weird Halloween hazing the Pines kids absolutely wrecked them. They literally have no chill.
For that matter, if you look Mabel in the eye, rumors say, you immediately have to play a game of cards with her. Never take pocket change anywhere near their street.
The pig goes with them. That’s final.
They say Dipper Pines has a six pack. They say he’s shredded. They saw he’s got a scar across the belly from fighting off a pack of wolves with his fists.
All the doors in the world are open if you know how to pick locks… Not that they’re saying they can. That’s implementing themselves in multiple unsolved crimes, and that would be stupid.
Feel free to add your own!
Mabel starts leaving handmade jewelry around their school, their neighborhood, the local grocery store. People who know her are afraid to touch them but strangers pick up these little wire and yarn doodads and find themselves having some very good luck.
There’s a rumor that that kid who always falls asleep in class couldn’t sleep at night because a ghost was haunting him. One night they find out that Dipper got in trouble for breaking into his house in the dead of night. That kid stops falling asleep in class.
On all their homework and tests, they leave behind red ink eyes crossed out with an X. One of Mabel’s classmates asked her why and she looked up front, at their Trigonometry teacher and said, just in case.
Dipper listens to a death metal band called Robbie V and the Tombstones. No one can find their songs anywhere, but if you ask he’s happy to lend you his CDs.
Mabel remembers everything, about everyone. She’s the only one who remembers the birthdays of the kids with no friends and she shares happy memories when her peers are upset about a grade or family stuff. She writes down little details in a pink glittery notebook, so that no one will ever forget.
Dipper and a group of his classmates went on a field trip in the woods. When Dipper disappeared for several hours, the teachers panicked, but he appeared at their bus a few hours later, having collected all the data he needed for his bio lab and toting a jar filled with multicolored moths. He’s banged up, but he doesn’t seem to notice. When someone asks where he got them, he says “Mothman” and doesn’t answer any more questions.
Mabel makes a tidy profit off of Mabel Juice during final exam season. Half their graduating class will swear by it all through high school even if it does taste terrible. (The arrest rate for stimulant drug use drops close to zero.)
it’s also because Leonard COHEN (!) was Jewish and this is a quintessentially Jewish line, and changing it to that level of Annoying Certainty is stripping it of its Jewish meaning and imbuing it with that particularly American smug evangelical Christian attitude that makes me tired, so very tired
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY
I don’t think I’ve heard any cover artist sing my favorite verses
You say I took the name in vain
I don’t even know the name
But if I did, well really, what’s it to you?
There’s a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn’t matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
My upstairs neighbor is having really loud sex at 10:25am. And, while this feels like retaliation, I can only hope it mellows her out and she stops stomping around all the goddamn time
Wow in the time it took me to type up and tag this post, the sex started and ended…… she’ll prolly be vacuuming soon. 🙁
It’s 10:29 and the sex has ended. I am v sad for her
I feel like I jinxed her. Like her nigga follows me on here and saw this post, mid thrust, and got performance anxiety. I’m sorry, Upstairs Stomping Bitch.
There’s stomping. She’s up and moving around. And you know what….. I can’t even be mad anymore. If I was only getting fucked for seven minutes at a time, I’d stomp around too.
Y’all she’s showing tf out. She’s really up there like
Damn I just heard her door close and then footsteps coming down the stairs. He left 😭😭😭 he’s not even gonna try again.
I’m gonna need ear plugs for the level of stomping this is bound to cause. When her feet inevitably crash through my ceiling ima just look through the hole and be like “hi…. sorry you didn’t get fucked down this morning. Even tho you filed a noise complaint on me that one time, I was rooting for you.”
Update y’all: it’s 3:10pm and she is vacuuming THE FUCK out of the hardwood flooring
But then like, that really does sound like something ppl that are in need of orgasm do. Just extremely unnecessary cleaning, to take their mind off the lack of sexual release.
I can see the text conversation now.
“I heard Aaron came over last nightttt. Whatd you guys get up to???👀👀👀😏”
“Not much. Oh! But, I did finally get a chance to mop my bathtub tho!!🤗 It was a mess in there, so thank god.”
“😬😔”
It’s 12:26am and she is getting her back blown tf outttt. Cannot be the same nigga from earlier.
I have the strong urge to knock the broom against the ceiling and holler out “yaaas bitch get some bomb ass dick” but I don’t wanna fuck up the vibe
Nvm. It lasted from 12:20-12:28. It’s the same nigga.
She better not start stomping or cleaning. I’ll file a noise complaint so fucking fast. Imagine getting a noise complaint for shitty sex. Don’t do it, Stomping Upstairs Bitch
Big Gay Dracula Does a Shitpost 