You befriend the one goth kid at your school; after a bit of bonding and sleepovers, you find out he’s actually a 300,000 year old lich king who kind of gave up on the whole undead necromancer business.
“So…what made you decide not to practice necromancy with dreams of global conquest anymore?”
“A lot of things, actually, but the most recent thing that’s stopped me was the invention of the toaster strudel.”
Big Gay Dracula Does a Shitpost 