Big Gay Dracula Does a Shitpost

pangur-and-grim:

mad-hare:

pangur-and-grim:

pangur-and-grim:

pangur-and-grim:

pangur-and-grim:

Pangur just got her paw stung that’s what you get for chasing wasps my dear

this poor fragile idiot

every Cat Guide ever: cats hide their pain as a survival strategy to avoid predation, refusing to betray ANY hint of weakness 

Pangur: did you know I’m the saddest girl in the whole world? :c

IT’S SO SWOLLEN! a kitten mitten!

there you go! nice & fat!

(as an aside, 2 days have passed, the swelling has gone away, and Pangur’s back to her usual lawless activities)

The real question is, did she learn from this mistake?

yeah 😦 instead of chasing insects, Pangur now sits beside me while I read, squinting out over the backyard like a world-weary noir cop

soundsof71:

amaskdescribingamask:

This is more punk than the whole of punk history.

I’ll tell you what’s ferocious. Freddie’s comeback to Sid calling him “Freddie Platinum” when they were recording down the hall from each other at London’s Wessex Studios (Queen for News of the World, Pistols for Bollocks).

Sid Vicious made the mistake one day of bursting into Queen’s control room and antagonizing their frontman. “Have you succeeded in bringing ballet to the masses, then?” he sneered. “Oh, yes, Simon Ferocious,” Mercury replied. “We’re trying our best, dear.” 

Then, according to Queen biographer Daniel Nester, Freddie rose from his chair and began to playfully flick the safety pins displayed on the front of Sid’s leather jacket. “Tell me,” he asked, “did you arrange these pins just so?” When Sid stepped forward in an attempt to intimidate Freddie, the singer simply pushed him backwards and inquired, “What are you going to do about it?” Sid immediately backed down. [x]

fartgallery:

fartgallery:

so in 2010 i made a facebook event for my birthday party for this year, because i thought “haha wouldnt that be funny, 2018 is forever away!”. but now it is 2018, and my birthday is in 2 days.

people have been building the hype for the past 8 years

and now im stressed cause i gotta deliver, i had 8 years to make plans and i procrastinated to the last minute. time makes fools of us all

The big day came and went. I knew I had to do something special so I turned the party into a SURPRISE MURDER MYSTERY! It’s long so check my twitter post for the whole thing but here are the highlights:

At 10:48pm, I called everyone into my room. There had been a murder, and
everybody was a suspect. Next to the body was a gun, and the party
goers were quick to find the red fingerprints on it 

They found red fingerprints on a balloon and popped it to find a receipt for gum inside. Someone had been passing out gum all night, however they claimed someone else gave them the gum first.

the argument was going nowhere so we contacted the victims spirit. she led us to the REAL murder weapon: a 100% very real bottle of poison. my roommate claimed he saw someone earlier with that bottle, but before he could tell us…

the power went out! and when it came back on…

my roommate had been murdered! following the clues, we tracked down the true culprit to the bathroom, where he was trying to escape through the window

with the murder successfully solved, the party goers were treated to this congratulatory message on the wall to forever commemorate their success. the other prize was that they didnt have to listen to my fake Savannah accent anymore

dreaming-shark:

hotcommunist:

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.