another weird thing about beer is that it has weird masculinity connections to it. “ya i’ll get a beer, i don’t want none of them girly drinks” Jimothy, you’re drinking wheat juice with a 5% alcohol content and my mixed, fruity, “girly” drink is 40% alcohol and tastes great
O.KAY *CRACKS KNUCKLES* I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU AN EDUCATION
BEER IS TRADITIONALLY A WOMAN’S DRINK, IT IS THE MOST FEMALE OF ALL OF THE DRINKS. FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS, BEER WAS MADE AT HOME BY WOMEN, TO BE CONSUMED BY WOMEN AND CHILDREN–IT WAS ACTUALLY A SOURCE OF NUTRIENTS FOR MANY HOUSEHOLDS. WOMEN CREATED THE CRAFT OF BEER, AND FOR MOST OF HUMAN HISTORY THAT IS WHO YOU’D BUY IT FROM: MANY WOMEN MADE ADDITIONAL INCOME BY BREWING AND SELLING BEER FROM HOME. IT WASN’T UNTIL THE ERA OF INDUSTRIALIZATION THAT BEER BEGAN TO BE BREWED IN FACTORIES. AND ONCE BEER WAS BEING BREWED ON A LARGE SCALE, IT MADE TO START MARKETING IT TO ALL THE MALE FACTORY WORKERS WHO SUDDENLY HAD EXTRA INCOME. HENCE AN AGGRESSIVE MARKETING CAMPAIGN TO RE-BRAND BEER, A DRINK INTRINSICALLY TIED WITH WOMEN’S HISTORY, AS A ‘MASCULINE’ BEVERAGE.
EVEN BETTER, FEMALE BREWSTERS WERE THE ORIGINAL WICKED OLD WITCH. THE TROPES WE COMMONLY ASSOCIATE WITH STEREOTYPICAL WITCHES ARE ACTUALLY BASED ON THE TRADITIONAL BREWSTER. CAULDRONS & HOT STEAMING POTIONS = BEER BREWING. THE WITCH’S HAT: BELIEVE IT OR NOT POINTY HATS WERE ACTUALLY WORN BY BREWSTERS WHEN SELLING THEIR PRODUCT AT MARKETS: THE ENORMOUS HEADGEAR HELPED THEM STAND OUT, AND CLEARLY TOLD EVERYONE ‘YO MOTHERFUCKA GET YOUR BEER HERE’.
CATS AS FAMILIARS: CATS WERE COMMONLY USED TO PREVENT RODENTS FROM GETTING INTO THE WHEAT. EVEN THE BROOMSTICK IS RELATED TO BEER: A BUNDLE OF TWIGS RESEMBLING A BROOM WAS USED AS AD FOR ALEHOUSES
so basically, beer is the ultimate woman’s and witch’s drink
REBLOG ME
fuck u guys, i didn’t spend 20 min fact checking for 3 notes
ok right links fine
i was probably drunk when i wrote this. best i can remember:
all these whiny bastards complaining about my taste in caps lock. I rewrote it for you:
*Sighs heavily and re-cracks knuckles*
Beer is traditionally a woman’s drink, it is the most female of all of The Drinks. For thousands of years, beer was made at home by women, to be consumed by women and children—it was actually a source of nutrients for many households. Women created the craft of beer, and for most of human history that is who you’d buy it from: many women made additional income by brewing and selling beer from home. It wasn’t until the era of industrialization that beer began to be brewed in factories. And once beer was being brewed on a large scale, it made sense to start marketing it to all the male factory workers who suddenly had extra income. Hence an aggressive marketing campaign to re-brand beer, a drink intrinsically tied with women’s history, as a ‘masculine’ beverage.
final bit:
Even better, female brewters were the original wicked old witch. The tropes we commonly associate with stereotypical witches are actually based on the traditional brewster. Cauldrons & hot steaming potions = beer brewing. The witch’s hat: believe it or not pointy hats were actually worn by brewsters when selling their product at markets: the enormous headgear helped them stand out, and clearly told everyone ‘yo motherfucka get your beer here’.
Cats as familiars: cats were commonly used to prevent rodents from getting into the wheat. Even the broomstick is related to beer: a bundle of twigs resembling a broom was used as advertising for alehouses.
so yeah, beer = witch’s brew. other things to check out:
Fermented low-alcohol beverages being the prime source of safe drinking water, for the whole family, for much of human history.
Beer, women, and the invention of the drinking straw (trivia, the oldest known straw is Sumerian, 5000 years old, made of gold and lapis lazuli. )
Monks horning in on the female-dominated brewing economy, the medieval church persecuting female brewsters
Monks adding hops (and making beer gross) in order to lower their libido (and to avoid the temptation of gay sex)
Dionysus, god of winemaking, and his raving, drunken madwomen followers, the Maenads.
Or any of a long list of goddesses associated w/ beer. Tenenet, the ancient egyptian goddess of childbearing & beer brewing. The earliest beer recipe, found in a 3900 year old poem honoring Ninkasi, patron goddess of brewing
And that’s all for now folks. Happy drinking’
no one ever reblogs this version and i wish they would
You befriend the one goth kid at your school; after a bit of bonding and sleepovers, you find out he’s actually a 300,000 year old lich king who kind of gave up on the whole undead necromancer business.
“So, what?” You ask when he’s finished his tale. “You just got tired of haunting the moors, threatening heroes, and raising the distraught dead from the peat?”
He looks down at his clasped hands. You’d elected to stand, but he’s sitting at one of the student tables like he’s about to be executed. “I don’t think you understand how bad of a place the moors are.”
“I’m sure,” you say. You don’t know what your voice sounds like, reeling from the shock of finding out your friend is 300,000 years old, but he flinches.
“I knew it,” he says, the words growling up his throat. He swings his dark bangs out of his eyes. “You’re horrified by my past. The evilness of my talents. The tales of my conquests and misdeeds. All of it repulses you. You regret being friends with me.”
You hesitate. You’d sort of planned to go home and think about this first, but if he wants to have the conversation now, you can have it now. “Look, can I be honest with you?”
He nods miserably, playing with his spiked bracelets.
“It’s none of that,” you confess. You grimace. “Would I like to say I morally object to being friends with a murderous, vengeful, necromancer? For sure, my parents aren’t going to be super stoked about me not freaking about that.”
He jerks, alarmed. “You’re going to tell your parents?! I’ll be mobbed—“
“Shut up,” you say, rolling your eyes. “You know I tell my parents everything. We’re tight like that.” You steam roll past his horrified expression. “I just have…some concerns. Not related to the murder or the undead part or even your kingdom of undead servants somewhere in Scotland.”
“Tell me,” he says, swallowing hard. “I—I don’t want you to be afraid of me. You’re the first real friend I’ve ever had.”
“Let’s work on that,” you suggest. You don’t want to be this guys only friend anymore. It’s gotten weird. “It’s just…your hundred of thousands of years old, right?”
He nods, wringing his hands. His silver wrongs clack together.
“Capable of raising the dead and going on hellish crusades for land?” You clarify.
He nods.
You suck on your teeth. “Capable of shapeshifting?”
“Into anything,” he confesses.
“Right.” You rub your hands on your jeans. “I get why you wanted a normal life, I do. I just—why high school, man? It’s pretty fucking weird, given all those things, that you’d choose to be a highschooler.”
“I wanted a fresh start,” he says, spreading out his hands. “You understand, right?”
“Sure,” you agree, even though you really don’t. “It’s just…I’m not super comfortable? With you being suuuper old and like, socializing? With 17 year olds?”
He gapes at you. “What?”
You put your hands on your hips. “Don’t act surprised, dude, you were at the same internet safety class I was. They warned us about older people trying to take advantage of us online.”
“Taking advantage of?” He looks genuinely hurt. “I would never! I just feel like I fit in better here than anywhere else. I found you here.” He smiles at you, that sweet smile you used to find so endearing.
It’s not so sweet anymore.
You rub the chills out of your arms. “It’s fuxking weird dude. Especially your crush on the volleyball captain? That’s—that’s gotta stop. You can’t have a crush on someone literally 299,984 years younger than you.”
“Why?” He asks. “I’m not hurting them and I genuinely feel like we’d be a good match.”
“No,” you say firmly. You look around and find a stack of homework on the desk to your right. You pick it up, roll it into a tube, and then smack him with it. “Bad! That’s exactly what a fucking pedophile would say. If we are still going to be friends, you can’t be a pedophile. Somewhat obviously.”
He rubs his head where you hit him. “But I’m lonely,” he whines. His shoulders droop.
It’s hard to see him sad, even now. “I know, man. But I can’t support you going after kids.” You have a great idea. “You can’t be the only supernatural creaature in the world. I bet there are a lot of awesome, older vampires or something you can date!”
“Are vampires even real?”
“Maybe!” You’re on a roll now. “I’ll help you find them, dude, it’ll be sick.”
He looks doubtful. “I,” he says carefully, “would prefer to tend to my crush in the volleyball—ow!”
You brandish your homework club threateningly. “That’s what happens every time you’re a pedophile. Either get on board with the vampire idea or I’m going to light you on fire until not even your bones can look in a teenagers direction.”
“Wow,” he says, “can’t wait to find those vampires. Thanks, best friend.” He flinches as If expecting another blow.
You smile beautifically. “Anything for my friends.” You’re going to get a better club to hit him with. You can see in his eyes that he’s not completely on board with. But he will be.
You befriend the one goth kid at your school; after a bit of bonding and sleepovers, you find out he’s actually a 300,000 year old lich king who kind of gave up on the whole undead necromancer business.
“So…what made you decide not to practice necromancy with dreams of global conquest anymore?”
“A lot of things, actually, but the most recent thing that’s stopped me was the invention of the toaster strudel.”
KIDS! In the US and elsewhere… older generations will use you as a prop but will work against making the world better for you, again and again. GET OUT THERE AND VOTE!
Please! Voting is super important and a right we need to make sure we’re using! There’s even early voting going on now so you can get it out of the way before November 6th!
https://www.ballotready.org if you’re confused or unsure of who or what you’re voting for, this site can help!
Remember, voting isn’t a test. You can bring in your answers ahead of time and just copy down what you wrote at home!
I’ve been having better luck with https://ballotpedia.org/ for issues and candidates in my area. You might check both, if something seems unhelpful or incomplete on one of them.
